The First Steps

Today has been all about last-minute preparations before leaving Scotland before moving on to the beginning of something new. In fact I must confess this is the first time I’ve used the word ‘new’ when thinking about my recent decision to swap the familiar and comfortable, albeit unfulfilling life of Edinburgh, to what could be either the most wonderful or disastrous decision I’ve made to date in my 27 years on this vastly unexplored planet.

It’s only been 12 days since I officially decided to ‘go for it’ and book my one way ticket to South America. In those 12 days I’ve gone from excited, to nervous, back to excited and then to mainly feeling a little bad…almost, selfish.

I’ve been assured, re-assured, congratulated, even praised for what seems to some an act of sheer bravery. But when one or two have shown themselves to be upset, even shed tears, how could I not of felt bad? I won’t even attempt to paint a picture of mass sorrow and anguish as I said my goodbyes but there were one or two who were at the least slightly negatively affected by my imminent departure. It was those few who made me somehow feel as if I hadn’t thought of others, as if I had put myself first and nothing more. Not something I’m used to doing, but then this is a career move if anything else, so of course I have to put myself first, shouldn’t I?

It would appear a day that started as preparation has ended with attempted justification. How can one justify such a life altering act before it has even been carried out however? The answer, may be to simply just wait and see.

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